Here's some background information about me and how I came to be the person I am today where bullying is concerned...
While growing up, I felt as if I was a fairly regular victim of bullying starting as far back as around the 7th grade. I do not hold my parents accountable because they were good at parenting and made sure that I had a talk from them about fighting. And in retrospect, their message was a good one. HOWEVER, I misinterpreted what they were saying to mean something very different. My parent's lecture message was that it was important for me not to START any fighting otherwise, I'd be in trouble... I had a strong and complete fear of my father as he was a very intimidating man, I took their(his) statement to say that I should not be in ANY fights because it would get me in trouble. This pivotal mistake of a misunderstood message probably started me in a direction that allowed me to become a victim of bullying.
Moving forward to my high school years - This was where I received the most cruel treatment from a small group of tormentors and bullies. I attended an academically elite all-boys boarding school and this meant that I was not able to get too far away from those who would bully me. As bad luck would have it, both of these years had my chief tormentor living on the same dormitory floors as me. I tried moving off of one hall which helped somewhat but it wasn't a true 'fix.' Also, adult supervision was around but it was definitely not nearly as monitored an environment that a parent would hope for. During that first year and a half I existed in what could only be best defined as an huge exercise in how to control my fear, function in a hostile and unstable environment, and practice to try to look normal and hope to appear normal as possible in these kind of living conditions and be as small a person, as small a target as possible. Eventually (luckily), these bullies were noticed by other students who came to aid me (and a small group of others who were being bullied too) and these bullies were disciplined and/or expelled from school. Not going into detail about exactly what the bullies did, it would be accurate to say that if they did today what went on back in 1984-85...they'd most likely be prosecuted for aggravated assault or perhaps even worse charges.
This was my purpose for earning a black belt in martial arts. I felt that if I ever came across another bully while in my college years and beyond, I would be more prepared to defend myself from an attacker.
Hey Brad,
ReplyDeleteIts great you have taken this step. As your roommate at the school I remember very well how they bullied you. It was a great day when they were expelled and otherwise disciplined.
Unfortunately some of them were jocks and quite strong so it was difficult for most students to face them down. Thankfully you did!!
Keep up the good work you do with the kids at your center!
Your friend,
Rene
Brad,
ReplyDeleteI remember the raspberries on the belly (mine), which was a tennis racket smacked on your stomach followed by hairbrushes scraped across the strings. At least you were able to have some success in eventually getting the guys out. My hallmaster didn't believe me, and when I showed him the marks, the hall residents told him I slipped on the stairs!
I haven't thought about this for years (for good reason, probably). There is nothing to be done for me now, but make others aware that something can be done, and that bullies, whether they are kids or adults, are not to be tolerated.
Keep up the good work!
Craig